I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
