Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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