she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
