This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
