How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
