i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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