My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
