new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
