I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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