Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
