What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
