dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
