My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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