The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
