so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
