I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
