Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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