Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need moral support for this bender
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
