Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
