i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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