Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
