According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
