also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
