I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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