just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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