omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have aggressive nipples.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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