He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
