Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
