And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
