You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
