if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
