I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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