haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
