chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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