Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
