his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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