nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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