I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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