Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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