Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
