good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
