I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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