i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
