she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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