you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
