Did you just see the Batmobile???
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
