3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
