The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
