i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
