I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
