My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
