i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
